The space between a blink and a tear....

wow i have not used this thing in forever

2009-02-05T15:42:24Z

i think i might start using it more. my english teacher suggested making a journal, i think i will use this. journaling is always a good idea. idk if anyone uses lj anymore.
i hope heather ends up okay, it saddened me when i was just looking at her lj and she was talking about how just because her mom killed herself that she wasnt going to.. and she did try =( its so sad. i wish her mom could of just had one last thought of "i wonder what will happen to my kids" i mean i understand that her mom wasnt in the right state of mind and was obviously upset, but ugh idk... i feel so bad for alycia and heather and pat, there all going through so much, i wish i could go see heathe r=(

....

2006-10-01T00:13:49Z

Shaking on the outside
Because of what I'm feeling inside
My chest is fucking hurting
And my stomach's fucking burning

I laughed when you were crying
And say inside you're dying
Because you gave up way too early
Your fucking pain is so deserving

Don't wanna take it
Because I fucking hate it
Why do we talk when
All we do is argue
Nothing to be said
Except you make me wish I was dead
This time I'm breaking up for good
I never felt this way before
Open chest, heart on the floor
I never wished that I was dead
Until I met you

I fucking hate the way I'm feeling
Because my fucking life's not changing
You broke me down when you stopped caring
Your fucking misery's my healing

I never felt this way before
Open chest, heart on the floor
I never wished that I was dead
Until I met you
I never felt this way before
Until I met you
I never felt this way before
Until I met you

good bye

2006-09-21T01:43:41Z

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
~~And like a baby boy I never was a man~~
Until I saw your blue eyes crying and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then he whispered “How can you do this to me?”

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things i didn't do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

imperfectheart @ 2006-09-20T21:40:00

2006-09-21T01:40:46Z

hate me today

imperfectheart @ 2006-09-02T19:54:00

2006-09-02T23:56:39Z

I'm tired of being quiet.
I'm sick of writing the songs that make you think that you're so special.
You never really were that special

DIE ~~love~~

<3

2006-09-02T23:55:33Z

Its really good to hear your voice
calling myname
it sounds so sweet
coming from the lips of an angel

imperfectheart @ 2006-09-02T09:50:00

2006-09-02T13:53:48Z

ANNA YOU ARE SUCH FUCKING MENTAL CASE...

ICANT BELIVE THAT YOU TOLD HEATHER YOU WULD SLIT YOUR WRISTS IF SHE LEFT YOUR HOUSE.. I WAS SUPPOSED TO STAY AT HEATHERS AND YOU FUCKING MANIPULATED HER INTO STAYING THERE SO I WOULDNT HAVE A PLACE TO STAY...

YOUR FUCKING PATHETIC..

HI MY NAMES ANNA IM GOING TO SLIT MY WRISTS OF I DONT GET MY WAY

Im not asking for your sympathy

2006-08-28T23:17:38Z

i literwallyyyy have nowhere to live... my step bro who i thought i could stay with is moving out of state

fucking a

imperfectheart @ 2006-08-28T02:43:00

2006-08-28T06:44:40Z

Close your eyes
And I will be swimming
Lullabies fill your room
And I will be singing
Singing to only you
Don't forget I'll hold your head
Watch the night sky fading red

But as you sleep
And no one is listening
I will lift you off your feet
And keep you from sinking
Don't you wake up yet
~~Cause soon I'll be leaving you~~
But you won't be leaving me

In the car
The radio leaves me searching for your star
A constellation of frustration
Driving Hard
Singing my thoughts back to me
Like watching heartache on TV

Ive been thinking alot about you..is it true do you hate me

2006-08-28T06:16:55Z

Is it the end?

Is it forgivable?
You have crossed the line...

And Ive got a 50 doller bill
That says Im
Wearing a tear in my eye
Soaking in the memories
From the past three years

Best friends means Best friends means
Breathing in the same sequence

Your hateful threats and your hurtful words have gotten the best of me
This could be the plans for revenge
But these words lead to dead ends

These lips need medication, these days are dripping poison, girl

piece by piece, and bit by bit
i'll break this down for you, real slow
but i can't whisper all of this
and i can't seem to let this go

so i'll watch the memories, turn to ashes
i'll watch the love, turn to ashes
incinerate whats left of this
~~and torch the part of me that's you~~

These words will fade
when you explain why you hate them
we are the same

Saying sorry we're falling apart
wish we knew this from the start
Saying goodbye's the hardest part
Wish we knew this from the start

We are both alone.. its me you and the moon...
We ~~had~~ have each other
and it's over, but it just started
the blood stained the carpet

Best Friends Means Best Friends means..

2006-08-26T18:38:57Z

So is that what you call a getaway
tell me what you got away with
I've seen more spine in jelly fish
I've seen more guts in 11 year old kids
<b>So have another drink and drive yourself home
I hope theres ice on all the roads
and you ferget your seatbelt and your head goes through the windsheild</b>
EVERYONE'S CAUGHT ON TO EVERYTHING YOU DO EVERYONES CAUGHT ON TO YOU

TRUE LOVE

2006-08-22T15:46:58Z

perfection

2006-08-03T16:34:37Z

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. will you never call again?
And will you never say you that love me just to put in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? it is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
And in a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes bright and I held your face in my hand
And then fell down yelling “make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like is used to be
And then she whispered “how can you do this to me?”

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

fgsdfhfdgjk

2006-07-26T17:10:55Z

AFI
on
tuesday
=)

:Dies:

im using my phone bill money

ha

imperfectheart @ 2006-07-19T12:29:00

2006-07-19T16:49:57Z

^{Do you fall too?} _{Every time that I}
^{Yes, I fall.} _{Every time that I}
^{Do you want to}_{try to pacify}
^{fall into me?} _{fall into me, fall into me}

FALL INTO ME

Watch the stars turn you to nothing.
Now blush and smile as they whisk you away.

Part your lips a bit more, I'll swallow your fear.
I will show you how
all the bite marks impress a need to be here,
a need to see

city lights, like rain,
dance and explode,
fall upon debutants
reeling from nights that
kiss and control
all of our broken hearts.
Watch the stars turn you to nothing.
Now blush and smile as they whisk you away.

Under the summer rain I burnt away
~~Under the summer rain we burnt away~~

Listen, I can't make, make a sound or feel
Feel fine, I kissed the lies. Why must they be so kissable?
Listen as I break, break the fourth wall's seal.
Gorgeous eyes shine suicide, when will we be invisible?

Theres no more trying

2006-07-19T04:26:30Z

I always will be waiting fer you...

and I know that you will never see

that I cant break away from these chains to my heart...

Maybe I should try to let go maybe I should try to walk away..

Theres nothing left to say...

Ill give this one more try
Ill give it all my best

I will take a step back.. And ill let you ahead and I will take a step away and see if you come back
Because theres no more trying to make this alright
theres no more trying
theres no more trying tonight

WE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
WE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
WE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
TILL YOUR DONE

With this knife

2006-07-17T16:01:57Z

i let myself fall into a lie
i let my walls come down
i let myself smile and feel alive
i let my walls come down
no matter how i try i don't know why
you push so far away
you wrapped your hands tight around my heart
and squeezed it full of pain

with this knife i'll cut out the part of me
the part that cares for you
with this knife i'll cut out the heart of me
the heart that cares for you

i can't believe the way you took me down
i never saw the pain
coming in a million broken miles
like poison in my veins

the hate and the fear
the nightmares that wake me up
in the tears
the nightmares and (the hate)...

imperfectheart @ 2006-07-15T01:47:00

2006-07-15T05:50:18Z

Im so scared.. and so confused..

Anyday now michael can be leaving.. for ever.. to PA.. and i just dontknow what im going to do..

I want to stay with him but then i want to break up with him so i dont have to go through the hurt..

I've been having all these random memories lately.having to do with my mom.. i think im going to write them all down..

Tarot Cardss

2006-07-10T06:39:45Z

Sara came over anna's today and gave tarot readings and stuff along those lines...
Hold up.. back up.. so like yea.. me and mike were having problems all day.. like we always do cause i am a bitch and i have mental issues.. anyways.. and i was laying in my bed crying and randomly remembered that my pictures of my mom were in the basement still packed so i got up to ran downstairs and grab them.. and as all of this was happening.. anna was in the other room and ran in there to tell me she wanted to find my moms spirit.. and saw the pictures.. weird. man..

anyways.. so like i asked sara some questions, one of them was whether or not my mom was around or what not.. and she said shes here in this house..(annashouse) and then mike asked if my mom liked him and she said that my mom feels that he is right fer me and that he will help me.. yea so a bunch of random questions with crazy answersss

one that i liked was that mike asked her about the baby that his mom had a miscarrage with like before he was born... and she was talking about the girls spirit and how she likes me.. and how she never met stacy.. and how the spirit is trying to keep him out of trouble.. so then mike asked why she didnt stop him from the 711 thing.. and she said it was because she wanted to let him go so he could figure things out on his own.. and like the 7-11 thing really jhelped him. and its weird how the spirit never met stacy.. cause that was when he was having alot of lying/bad things going on in his life

jg sdkgsdghsdjgsdkgksdg

other weird things to with my reading that were highly accurate.. ill update that later...

lets just say things will get better

thank you saraaa =)

i loveith you

and and and i love mike

Mike-
Im sorry for everything that i have done to you and im sorry for being tehe way that i am.. maybe saras reading was right maybe i just dont want to put forth the effort im just scared and dont have the will power.. but i do love you and i am tryinnnggg.. well will try.. to make things better.. and and and yea

I love you

theres only us
theres only this forget regret
or life is yours to miss
no other road
no other way
no day but today

spill canvas continued...

2006-07-02T17:54:08Z

You make it dry when it's raining outside
You warm my blood when the temperature dies
You're my crutch when it's all to hard to bare
See without you here I could not be anywhere

Hypothetically if you were point A
and theoretically if I was point B,
we would be, we would be frantically
M
...E
......L
.......T
.........I
..........N
............G
into one massive point
that could overcome anything.......

The streets are dark, my pulse is flat-lined
as I'm running to you
You sit completely unaware of what I'm about to do
The air is thick with tension much like when we are together
My fangs are aching as I'm pondering about you and I forever

As I round your corner
I am nervous that you won't be my lover
I knock three times and hope that my pale complexion won't blow my cover
You answer the door with your innocent face
Would you like to leave this human race, tonight?

Eternity will never be enough for me
and eternally will live our infallible love
Follow me into the sea
We'll drown together and immortalize you and me
Leave behind this lonely town
We're both better than this, it's not worth being down

imperfectheart @ 2006-06-25T13:42:00

2006-06-25T17:47:05Z

And all at once it became clear to me,
that you're allergic to honesty
And you don't even have a friend around
And so my lust is just convenient now

Do I have to spell it out for you
or scream it in your face?
Oh, the chemistry between us could destroy this place
Do I have to spell it out for you
or whisper in your ear?
Oh, just stop right there
I think that we've got something here

Yeah there's a method to my madness
If only I could find it I could make you safe
See there's a therapist trying to tell me that
you are just a figment of my tainted brain

I used to wanna feel your summer sweat
seeping right into my eyes
I used to wanna feel your body quake when I sink my teeth into your thighs

Where did you come from, where have you been?
I don't know that much about you,
but I don't think that I would like to anymore

mehh

2006-06-19T04:04:04Z

i suck at life.. and all i do is hurt the people i love

I just need to see you now
.... I dont care about anything else

I loveeeeeeeeeeeeee himmm

2006-06-19T01:56:31Z

True LOVE

I love michael ryan reeb =)

i love the summer.. im sitting at rachels rightnow listning to anna play guitar and talking to michaell yes yes

im going to go
bye =)

ISetMyselfUpForTheGreatestFallOfAllTime

2006-06-17T02:53:35Z

ISetMyselfUpForTheGreatestFallOfAllTime
You've seen me, do I look okay to you?
Give me your hand
I'll shake it and shake it again
I'll smile until my face falls off my head
If it's good for you, it's good for me too

What did I say?
Why do you give a shit?
They're trying to pry into my brain
But I'm gone
I'm running down highways
Till I see your face
I just need to see you now
I just need to see you now
I don't care about anything else
I don't care about anything else

Their words are flying over my head
I try and hear, but I'm somewhere else again
You laugh and I smile back to humor you
If it's good for you, it's good for me too

It's raining outside
There's a storm front on my back
Trying to keep, trying to keep me away from you
A stranger's up ahead, holding up a knife
Trying to keep, trying to keep me away from you
It's raining outside
There's a storm front on my back
Trying to keep, trying to keep me away from you
The stars are falling down
Breaking up the road
Trying to keep, trying to keep me away from you

I'll scream till I bleed
I scream stay away from me
They can't keep me back
Keep me back
Well I'll scream till I bleed
I scream stay away from me
They cant keep me back
Keep me back
Yea sooooo like.. IMissMyMichaelRyanReeb....

Im so lostttt
...- as to what to do about shit with himmmm...

Ughhhhh

Me and anna are almost done painting her roooommm =) its red and its prettyyy

I really don't have anything to say and um yea.. my grad party is going to be July firsttt so every1 most come =)
i dont know where yet tho lol.. soo ill get back to you on that
The heart may freeze
Or it can burn
The pain with ease if i can learn...
There is no future there is no past...
I live this moment as my last..
Theres only us theres only this...
forget regret-
Or life is yours to miss
No other road... no other way... no day but today

=)

2006-06-14T18:31:12Z

michael is making me food... =)

I likeee coffeee

yummm

I love michael.. things have been really good with him lately.. we bicker like a married couple but i love it lol...its just us.... we are both stubborn and argumentative lol but it just makes us who we are.. we fight and bitch and then laugh.. i love itt.. cause hes a jerk=) but i love himmm

we spend every waking moment togetherrr =) I love himm and and and and and yeaaaaaaaaaaaa

Im moving in with anna for now until i get an apt with my brooo and annnnaa=) yea soo im ending this nowwww